After receiving my financial aid package for the year in August I realized I had an urgent problem on my hand. I had based my budget off of last year’s financial aid (knowing that I was under the 50k cap and that the GradPLUS loans were being grandfathered out), but little did I know the university I am enrolled in would decide to substantially raise tuition, leaving me with about a $8-10,000 gap I now had to fill. So, after a brief panic attack, I went to work.
I spent the two weeks I had in between my summer internship and classes starting to apply to every scholarship imaginable. I was sifting through ScholarshipOwl, Niche, Bold, AccessLex, you name it. And every day I get updates from the various applications.
Congratulations! You have an update! You weren’t selected.
Again. And again. And again.
Just like spring OCI 1L year – rejection after rejection after rejection. It sucks.
But rejection is redirection and all that. Always.
I was born and raised Catholic*. Went to a Catholic high school and all that. And while I may not be the best textbook Catholic (I don’t remember the last time I went for confession and I don’t make it to mass every Sunday) I know that I have to give control over to God and trust in Him and He will provide**. So, as I get discouraged by rejections left and right for scholarships, I need to remember what has been done for me.
I was able to attend school in the city I was already living, making the move exponentially cheaper and emotionally easier. I received a scholarship so not everything has to be paid back. At the end of summer semester I met the most amazing guy. I got the privilege of attending law school in and of itself. I had a paid summer internship. My boyfriend and I moved in together, substantially cutting my living expenses.
I say these things not to brag about any of it, but to remind myself of the things going well in my life, the things that I have gotten. While I may not have had the highest paying summer internship, I got one where I made genuine connections with multiple highly rated trial attorneys and experienced real work. And while I may have, as a result of everything above, received less financial aid than I am comfortable with, the fact that I live with someone who cares for and loves me so deeply is a major financial advantage compared to where I was last year. I have a teammate, a partner, someone who heard me tell him about the loans and immediately said “we will figure it out.” And if that isn’t the biggest blessing, I don’t know what is.
Maybe I am receiving these rejections because they’re going to people who need the money and don’t have the same advantages as me. And maybe something else is coming. All I know is, when faced with repeated rejections the best thing I can do for myself is list out my blessings and remember that, at the end of the day, in my own personal faith, I am not in control. God is.
*As a side note, I don’t bring religion up to try and convert people or shove it down anyone’s throat. Honestly this blog started as like a virtual journal for me, and as such, I feel addressing my faith is appropriate. So it’s here as a thinking piece to further illustrate how my brain operates, how my beliefs work, and if yours don’t align, that is perfectly okay.
**Further notice, I am a “Jesus said to feed the hungry, house the homeless, love your neighbor, accept everybody” Catholic not…..what politicized “Christianity” has become (quotations because that just simply is not real Christianity).
Song of the day: Safe and Sound Taylor Swift
the blawg 
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